3 Ways to Remain Close to Your Spouse After Having Kids

byNeetu Katyal Piplani
  • Dec 03, 2021
  • 4 mins

Having children changes your life significantly. It is one of the most impactful changes to both you and your spouse

Once you have children, you may find your life turned upside down. Everything changes, and one of the biggest impacts will likely be on the romantic relationship between you and your spouse. Kids become a new variable that can change the dynamic between a couple; and since most of your time will probably be spent taking care of them, you might find yourself having little time to romance your spouse.
Coupled with how tired it can be attending to your kids and running circles around them, this can create distance and even lead to rifts, as tempers get short and feelings aren’t properly communicated. To keep your relationship intact and happy, it’s important to actively work on remaining intimate with your spouse.
Here are three ways that can help you to bridge any gaps that may have crept in:

Participate with your partner in activities you both enjoy in order to create experiential intimacy.

Experiential intimacy

Do you remember the last time you and your spouse cooked together? Or decorated the house for a get-together? Or went out for a late-night movie? These little joyful activities tend to take a backseat when attending to the needs of your children – regardless of their age. However, sharing a simple, yet intimate experience can be a great way to bond as a couple.

For instance, my husband and I love to decorate our home. We often sit together and create DIY art pieces from waste. We sometimes end up creating something entirely different from what we had set out to do, but we enjoy the process and togetherness. And every time we look at the finished pieces we create, it brings to mind the fun we had putting it together. Our activities together continue to connect us with each other through shared experiences, creating cherished memories in the process.

For emotional intimacy, take the time to communicate and understand each other

Emotional intimacy

Amid taking care of children, one of the biggest casualties is emotional intimacy between couples. Emotional intimacy is all about being open about your innermost needs, feelings, and concerns with your spouse. It also refers to small acts of love and care for each other that can go a long way in nurturing your relationship with your spouse. It can enable us to understand each other better and seek comfort in each other’s company, which can be useful in reducing any misunderstanding or conflict, especially in the context of parenting.

When each partner makes a conscious and regular effort to express love and care for the other through small acts of service or affirmation, it can help the relationship to blossom and strengthen the bond. Personally, I make it a point to see my husband off to the office in the morning and to give him a cheerful greeting at the door in the evening when he returns. On his part, my husband always makes us our morning tea. These simple things can have a significant impact on your relationship.

Financial intimacy

Money can be a touchy topic between couples. To avoid finance-related friction and maintain harmony in the relationship, it is important to work towards financial intimacy, which means being on the same page with each other about finances. As a couple, my husband and I have open communication on our income and expenses, which allows us to align our financial priorities for the future. This financial transparency and planning together have provided us with the clarity to prioritise our imminent expenses such as funding our children’s higher education, repaying the home loan, and saving for our retirement.

Financial intimacy can also encourage couples to work together as a team to fulfil their aspirations such as making big-ticket purchases, like buying a house in our case. While it may sound like a big task, regularly discussing and reviewing finances together, setting common goals, and chalking out plans to achieve these goals can greatly help to achieve financial intimacy. I remember, we were fresh into repayment of our home loan when our daughter was born. The financial situation was tight, but my husband and I discussed our situation and took stock of our savings. Together, we decided that we would liquidate the fixed deposit held in our joint account, as that would provide us with the required funds. Being transparent about our savings and arriving at a consensus on how to spend them when needed helped us to tide over that financial hiccup.

Another conversation that my husband and I had, when our children were still toddlers, was around planning our retirement. This is one of the most important discussions because it can enable you and your spouse to envision the lifestyle that you would like to enjoy post retirement and chalk out the plan of getting there together. Considering your current income and expenses, you can decide the most suitable method to save for your retirement. A simple way to begin can be to check out a flexible savings plan such as Gro Retire Flex Pro. If you need help to get started with financial planning, you can also connect with an Income advisor.

Maintaining an intimate relationship with your spouse takes constant effort from both of you

Make an effort to sustain an intimate relationship with your spouse

A loving relationship with your spouse is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child because the love and happiness of your conjugal relationship will bring peace and stability to the lives of your children.
Your happy union can also work wonders in maintaining a happy ambience at home, providing your children with a safe environment to grow up in. Therefore, it is in the interest of everyone in the family that both partners put in the efforts to sustain an intimate relationship.

Important Notes:
This article is meant purely for informational purposes and should not be relied upon as financial advice. The precise terms, conditions and exclusions of any Income products mentioned are specified in their respective policy contracts. For customised advice to suit your specific needs, consult an Income advisorThis advertisement has not been reviewed by the Monetary Authority of Singapore. 

Tags: Parenting

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